Saturday, January 07, 2006

Looking like a human

Being a mom of a baby means my hair has to be kept in a pony tail or else it get's yanked. So no more hairstyles for awhile.
I'm 30 pounds overweight and it WON'T BUDGE.
Because of my weight gain, I have very few clothes that fit me, so I also look like a frump.
Now that I stay home all the time, I don't wear makeup either.
I've relapsed into nail biting again.

All this accumulates to a pretty low self image. I look HORRIBLE. My wonderful husband assures me I look great, but the mirror doesn't lie. If this stupid pregnancy weight would at least start to come off I'd feel a little better. But my ass is hanging on to every ounce of fat while I'm nursing. It's really something: I burn 400-500 calories a day just nursing, I exercise every day, I cook healfully and I watch my portions. I do crave sweets, but no more than when I lived in Thailand and was an attractive 140 pounds. So is it all just hormonal? I haven't begun menstruating yet, so with that and the breastfeeding, my hormones are still not at pre-pregnancy level. Am I just a freak of nature that is the one exception where breastfeeding does not help the fat disappear? I am despondent about it.


Running2Ks said...

I gave my perspective on this on the P2G site for you. Hang in there. This is totally normal.

Danna said...

You don't look horrible at all! The pictures you have posted have been anything but frompy. You look gorgeous! Hang in there!

Michelle said...

Amy, no, you don't look horrible.

I can definitely commiserate though as I feel just like you do. I've gained 26 pounds since I came to Thailand (hence buying the treadmill last week).

Even Jeff, G8, said to me last week "Teacher Michelle, when you first came here you were thin, now you're FAT. What happened?"

I had to laugh though. :-)

Anyway, don't get depressed about it - you'll lose it. Most important thing right now is that you're healthy and so is Aidan. More important than anything!

amygeekgrl said...

I've heard that many women hang onto extra weight while they are nursing. Try to think of it as a small amount of time in the grand scheme of things. It sounds like you are eating really well and exercising and doing everything right.
I agree with Michelle, it's most important right now that you are healthy. :)
And I've seen pics of you too. You don't look bad to me at all.
Keep up the good work, mama.

Amy said...

Thank you, each of you, for your kind comments. It's just so difficult when this is the heaviest I've ever been in my life, so it's obvious that this is not my body's target weight. I try to keep in mind that this is a small sacrifice for Aidan's health and well being and so far it has paid off in a big way -- healthy as a horse and never been sick, knock wood. I hope you're right, Amy, in that it's hormonal, the reason I'm staying fat. It's the only hope I have, so I can't lay the blame with my eating.

Darshani said...

Amy I would have happpily traded a thin figure if I could have been blessed to have a good nursing relationship with my babies. You are doing a great job and Aiden will thank you for it all his life. Enjoy the cuddles and bonding. They grow up way too fast. You will get your figure back but your baby will only be small for so long.

Amy said...

Darshani, you are absolutely right on that one.