Friday, October 28, 2005

Various thoughts and updates

What would you call an impulse buy of about $8 on how to manage your money and be a better investor??? Seems that would cancel each other out! LOL! Yesterday Golf and I walked by a Waldenbooks on the way to get some things from Walgreen's (on a LIST) and I saw The Millionaire Mind on clearance. I've read the Millionaire Next Door and it was a brilliant book, so I was naturally interested in this one. I have to finish Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince first, though and that's a big book! And now for something completely different...

Disturbing thoughts have haunted me my whole life. I tend to play out scenarios in my head at their absolute worst and I see it in detail. If my husband is late I envision him getting into an accident or being the victim of an assault. When camping, I imagined the tent I was in being mauled by a bear. (Not condusive to falling asleep!) Now that I have a precious baby, I have thoughts about him succombing to SIDS and holding his limp, lifeless body in my arms while I'm wailing in agonizing grief. In bed with my husband in the middle of the night I frantically check our bed covers in case I nursed Aidan to sleep and I forgot about him and smothered him with blankets. I'm always about 60% still in a sleep state when I do this. It's awful to have these thoughts and fears. Incidently, anytime I do nurse Aidan in bed in the middle of the night and we end up falling asleep, I always sleep very lightly. I keep blankets away from his face and am on constant vigilance. Are these fierce protective feelings and fears normal for parents to have for their little cubs? I know parents worry, but having these disasterous scenarios in my head is tortuous.

And speaking of our little bear cub, we've got some new photos to share. :) Included are pictures of a cute little rocking horse my mom got for Aidan, and also the promised pictures from our trip to the river delta where my parents are staying with their RV.

1 comment:

Darshani said...

So sorry you are having bad thoughts. We all do at some point. ((HUGS))

Cosleeping is what saved both my girls at some point, with the reflux. They would have choked to death in another room. Millions of babies all over the world sleep with their parents with no bad effects. They should do a study on SIDS around the world b/c I think it's much higher in the US/Europe than in the rest of the co-sleeping world. My MIL never heard of it before and babies there still sleep with their parents for the most part-- and on their tummies.

Aiden is a healthy little boy (cute too!) and I'm sure he'll be fine. :)